yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
