Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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