Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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