Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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