As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
