My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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