Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize