We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
