Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
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she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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