I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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