When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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