he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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