Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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