I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
handjob tips. give me some.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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