we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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