When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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