i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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