I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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