We named our party play list daddy issues
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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