So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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