i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.