i'm home, then i'll come over
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
In other news, I just burned my penis
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat