Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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