Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
