So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize