My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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