I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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