let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
