I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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