i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
