JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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