and i looked up. we had an audience...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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