You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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