dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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