Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
