he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
