That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
