You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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