C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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