Plan B is the new Plan A
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
