And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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