you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
