Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's official drugs can't kill me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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