I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
