he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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