you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize