that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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