He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
