put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
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went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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