How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sorry about my life...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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