Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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